hatching is hard work
it’s really hard to hatch out of an egg.
i mean, i’m not a bird. so i don’t know that for certain in an “embodied i did this way” but i do in a metaphorical way.
imagine you’re in an egg. you’re cramped, and you know you have to get out but….how??? everywhere you feel, it’s hard hard shell, and also you’re still a baby bird and you’re not that strong yet!!! how do you get from inside to outside?
scientifically speaking - many birds have an “egg tooth” on their beak that they use to create weak spots in the shell, and then they slowly, chaotically, enlarge that weak spot. but, mostly, as you can see - it’s a chaotic, instinctual process.
we spend a lot of time valorizing efficiency, planning, and effectiveness - and i get it! being all of those things are great. and i’m certainly not saying don’t plan! but it’s really hard how to plan exactly how to get out of an egg when you’re inside of it.
and as a graduate student, it’s really hard to plan exactly how you will write a dissertation chapter without starting it. you can read all the books about how to write a chapter, how to structure your time, how to organize your sources, but all of that information stays in the theoretical realm. some of it might end up to be useful, some of it could be irrelevant, but if you keep reading until you feel ready to do, it’s hard to know what is what.
but you DO have an egg tooth - you are a smart person! you’ve gotten this far! you’ve got skills and knowledge and you do know things! maybe not these exact things, but you’re not starting from zero. so my best advice is:
thrash around. move in whatever way makes the most sense for where you are right now - there’s no perfect way to hatch! but you will break through eventually - and then you can work on enlarging the way out from there. trashing feels erratic and chaotic, but it’s movement.
and the best news about movement? it, by its very nature, makes you stronger. a chick gains muscle tone as it presses up against the shell - the growth is painful and i’m sure scary for that little buddy, but what a way to change and grow in a rapid way. no one says to that chick “well, you could have saved some time if you had hatched in this way” - they say “good job hatching little buddy!!!”.
obviously you can always learn through reading, through research, through observation. but you can also learn through doing, trying, thrashing, failing, messing up, redirecting, tweaking, and starting again. it’s hard to imagine the world outside the egg when you’re still in it. it’s hard to imagine how you’ll be at the next level of your scholarship, your human life, when you’re learning how to do it. and it’s natural in the face of the unknown to try and learn as much as you can before you get there, but sometimes, it’s faster, and maybe even a little more fun, to follow your instincts, thrash a bit, and get out of the shell.
Things you can say yes to today.
It is so easy to believe that we have to wait to start things - I'll start that in May, or when the semester is over, or when I get back from my fieldwork, or when I feel better, or when this is more in hand. So consider these a gentle invitation into today, into this week, into this pom. You might not resonate with all of them, but any time we try something different, we get new information. And information helps us make the best decisions we can about how, when, and where we spend our time and energy.
Take a deep breath.
Try a website blocker during writing sessions
Ask a friend or colleague to read an early draft
Make a special playlist and only use it when you're writing on that project you're stuck on.
Get out your favorite pen and write a whole page of things that you're curious about
Experiment with keeping your email closed until after you do one pom of work on your own project
Remember that when you set boundaries in a clear, professional, and kind way, it gives others permission to do the same.
Clean up one of your work or living spaces
Make one or two decisions ahead of time, to save yourself some decision fatigue
Call someone you're missing to say hello (or text, I'm not a monster)
Set some time aside to do something completely fun, even if it's for 2 or 3 minutes.
Write your favorite motivational phrase on a post-it, or even on your hand, so that you can see it.
Send a friend, colleague, student, or loved one a message saying how proud you are of how hard they're working.
Set up an informational interview with someone whose job you're interested in.
Update your CV, feel good about your accomplishments while you're doing it.
For every 10 books or articles you request from the library, check one cookbook out. Or comic book. Or book you loved as a kid. Even if you only read a few pages, fun!
Set a new goal, or increase your goal target, for your writing or reading.
Make a bunch of celebratory doodles in your planner on today's date to remember that this was the day you started [x].
You don't have to earn fresh starts. You don't have to do everything all at once. You are allowed to feel good about what is working even when there are things you want to improve or change. You are allowed to be proud of effort that only you can see. You can always try again, whether it's a new pom or a new day or a new month or a new year. The truth is that we very rarely regret the things we start, or try - but the things we wait on, the things we never attempt, those can start to add up.