10 - Why can it be so hard to take a break?

episode 10 - Why can it be so hard to take a break?

What can be so hard about a break between terms, vacation, or other kinds of time off? You'd be surprised! Let's get into what can make these times so hard, and how to plan for a break that is both restful AND useful!

• transcript

  Welcome to Grad School is Hard, But... A Thrive PhD podcast. I'm Dr. Katy Peplin and this is a show for everyone who's doing the hard work of being a human and a scholar. We'll talk about why some of these things are so hard, and how that difficulty is showing up for you. Each episode has practical strategies to experiment with -- just because it's hard now doesn't mean it always has to be.

  You can get my free working more intentionally toolkit@thrive-phd.com or the link in the show notes. If you want to go even deeper with the work.

  There are some topics for this podcast that I feel like are completely expected. Of course, it is hard to ask for feedback on your writing or find a strategy to manage your focus that works for you. Those are high level intellectual tasks. This episode all about why it can be hard to take a break can seem, you know, not that hard.

  It's not hard to go on vacation. It's not hard to take a break. It's not hard to figure out what to do with yourself when you have no schedule. Right? In my experience taking a break as a grad student can be extremely difficult for a variety of reasons. The first is that it's not like other school breaks.

  When you're going home from elementary school, or even from undergrad. In between semesters, you don't have any work to do. Sure. There might be some things that you can do to get ready or some stuff you need to do to catch up. But if you're off, you're off. In grad school. The break in between semesters or time off during the year, usually is time off from one of your jobs like teaching or being in the lab.

  A break as a grad student also doesn't function exactly like paid time off or PTO for short. Of course, if you have access to annual leave, feel free to skip ahead 30 seconds. But if you don't. It can be difficult to take a break over the end of the year, for example, because it might be a break from teaching.

  But it might not be a break from everything else. There's no standard cultural script that says I'm taking a vacation. I accrued this many days of time off, I'm spending them all to do this thing during this specific time. I know that when I headed off for the end of the year break, my supervisor would be like, well, I am traveling to see my family, but I expect that you will finish this chapter. At the end of the year. And I was like, well, what if I want to travel with, see my family, or just watch new girl on the couch. What happens then? It can be really hard because there is this sense that you have a magical container.

  That you can fill with all of the kinds of work that are really hard to do during more standard schedules. If you have an intense teaching load, then the break yes. Is time off, away from your students and maybe your email or grading, but there's also the sense that you need to do everything else. That's really hard to do when you're actively teaching such a heavy load.

  There's some of the only people I know to head off for break. With literal suitcases, full of books and reading material and journals to catch up on a computer full of things to write and process. And they expect that they will both be able to emerge after that break completely rested. Like they just spent two weeks on the beach.

  And also they have produced an enormous amount of work that otherwise would have been difficult for them.

  So how do we thread that needle? Of both recognizing that during time off, we do need to rest. We need to rest in different ways, more complete ways than we might be able to access after work on a Tuesday night or. Through a weekend where we also have a bunch of other things to do. I am here and fully supporting anyone who wants to take a break and be with family or celebrate traditions, or simply be alone in a quiet room.

  And think thoughts to themselves without any expectation of those thoughts becoming the next journal article or conference paper. So, how do we balance that need for rest? And also the reality that this might be some of your best time for writing. If you are a parent, if you are a person who teaches a heavy load, if you have a full-time job.

  Then it's really easy to treat any time that you have a way from some of those main responsibilities as perfect writing time. And you're not wrong. There are a lot of things that make the end of the year break a great time to do some deeper focus work. So let's dig into some questions to help you see what expectations you're setting up for yourself for the break.

  And use those answers to design a break. That's going to do what you need it to do.

  First question. What is on your quote? "I'll do it over break" mental list?

  Do you have writing to catch up on house things to do, family to see, friends to visit? You might as well, dump it all out. And then check it for completeness. Is there anything you're missing? It's kind of like reorganizing your closet. In order to know what you want to save and what you want to keep. Sometimes you just have to dump it all out so that you can see it in one place.

  Question two.

  What break behaviors are modeled for you and your department in your field? With your colleagues, maybe even in your family, with your partner. Or your parents or your siblings, what do breaks mean to them? Does your advisor make a huge show of taking several suitcases full of books away from the office to catch up on that reading?

  It matters what we see. So what behaviors are you seeing? Are you getting the message that breaks are meant to be spent in a certain way when you're an academic.

  And last question. If I could wave a magic wand and pause time for two weeks, what do you imagine for yourself in that time? Do you see yourself in a mountain cabin with fiction books in a fire? Do you picture a black void that is just empty of any inputs? What do you picture and what can you learn from that fantasy? What does it suggest to you that you're actually really looking for in this break?

  Okay. Let's now move into the experiments, which this week are three different strategies that you can use to both plan and move through your break, to make sure that you're getting as much of what you want. And as little of what you don't. Throughout that whole time period. My first experiment or strategy to try is to schedule the rest that you need first.

  I don't know about you, but when I was teaching, I often would run through December. Like my pants were on fire. I would do all of the courses or do all of the planning or do all of the holiday prep. And then immediately, as soon as the semester was over and my grades returned in, I would get wickedly sick.

  My immune system, which is give up. And I would be stuck on the couch. So that always said to me, I really need a fair bit of rest. I'm tired. I might be having a little bit of burnout. There's a variety of things that are happening. But if I also have a plan, that's like, okay, the instant that my grades are in, I'm going to start working on that chapter. Then it can be really difficult to know where, and when you're going to even have time to get that rest, if you feel like every minute should also be.

  Occupied by some sort of other higher productive purpose. So in this experiment, go through your calendar and block off all of the times that you do not want to be writing. That you do not want to be working, that you do want to be actively resting. Maybe over the break. You only work from nine until noon, and only on specific days, maybe you take every weekend off.

  Maybe you block the minute. That your grades are in until the time that you get back from your holiday as absolutely no work time. But whatever you sort of decide to block off schedule that first, it can be really helpful to then communicate that to people who are invested in seeing you over the break or invested in your plans.

  It makes it easier if you schedule the rest first to draw some of those boundaries know when you're going to be available for other people to see you. And also start to counter that idea, right? From the jump that every minute of break is meant to be serving your productive. End of the year goals.

  Schedule the rest first and then let the work take up. What's left after that.

  Experiment two.. Communicating your boundaries. Dovetails very nicely. If I do say so myself with experiment one. So once you decide what time you're going to be available, what time is available for work and what time is available for rest, then you can start to tell that information to the stakeholders.

  The people who are interested in it. I know that when I was living in California and traveling back for break. I would say to my parents. Okay. I am going to be working in the mornings from nine until noon. But anytime after that, and obviously any of these special holiday times, I'm going to be a hundred percent available to you. I'm not going to have my phone out. I won't be trying to do this reading. And that really made it easier for people to a respect my work time, because they did have things that needed to get done, but also know that I was there to see them.

  I was making a commitment to see them and it was important to me and I scheduled it. Like it was an important thing for me. Maybe these boundaries need to be mostly communicated to yourself where you say, okay, self. I am not going to expect that every minute I'm need to be working. I will rest. If I'm tired, I will sleep in as late as I need to. I will spend time making foods that really nourish me. I will spend time watching my favorite holiday movies, whatever those boundaries are, communicating them, whether it's to yourself or to other people can really help add a little.

  A bit of accountability around the fact that you do have multiple things that you want to get done and multiple things to balance.

  And last but not least a strategy that I have implemented more recently, but has really, really helped me is to plan for a break check-in. By this, I mean, pick a point, maybe even multiple points. So if you have two weeks off at the end of the year, maybe in that intermediate weekend, You schedule a 15 minute check-in with yourself and say, okay, how did that go?

  And what things have I learned? What plan do I want to make for the second half of this break, knowing what I know about how I'm feeling and how these boundaries are working and what happened in the first week. I really love this strategy, especially for people who say have some unexpected things happen.

  If for instance, your immune system, like mine likes to give up the minute that your grades are in, it might be useful to set this break check-in and say, okay, that first week of break, I was absolutely zonked. There was no way I was going to be able to do anything. And my very ambitious plan for two weeks of balancing rest and deep focus work is off the table a little bit, but what can I do in this one week? That'll make me feel like I showed up for myself and got the most important things done.

  Using that break check-in as a way to say, okay, I did some of the things, but not all of them. Here's what I want to do on purpose with the time and resources I have left. Is another way of setting a reset for yourself where it's not just, okay, I'm going to let this break ride. And then on January 3rd, I am going to check back in with myself and hope I got some things done.

  It's knowing that what you need and what you want to do probably will evolve, especially if you're resting in your energy might be variable. And there's a lot of other people in places invested in your break as well. That break check-in can help you reset and realign with the resources that you have and the things that you want to do.

  And to practice what I preach. I too will be taking a break at the end of this year. So this is if you're listening live or shortly after the release, the last episode for the year 2022, I will be back early in January to talk about coming back from break and resettling into a new rhythm. But thank you so much for being with me for this new project for this year. And in any of the other spaces that we connect.

  I really appreciate it. And I'm wishing you an end of the year that is filled with all that you want it to be. And as little of what you don't. Happy new year.

  📍 Thank you for listening to Grad School is Hard, but... You can find more information and resources in the show notes and at thrive-phd.com. And if you're liking what you're hearing, please subscribe, rate, and review to help other people find the show. Thanks so much and I'll see you again soon!