3.7 the restorative nature of Stardew Valley - grumping it out

as a coach, i feel like i should be able to push through pretty much everything - that's what i help people with every day, right? but lately, i have been a capital G Grump - and this podcast episode is about how i work through that. if you've been feeling the weight of the world, this is the episode for you.

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• transcript

  What is the key to being grumpy? Was to actually lean into it. Let's talk about it on this week's episode of.

  📍 Welcome to Grad School is Hard, But... A Thrive PhD podcast. I'm Dr. Katy Peplin and this is a show for everyone who's doing the hard work of being a human and a scholar.

  And in season three, I'm demystifying some of the most important, but often invisible parts of grad school that learning about might just make your life a little bit easier. And make sure you check out the link in the show notes for my working more intentionally tool kit. Which is available for you totally for free. Now let's get into it

  Last night as I was lying on the couch, watching some show, it doesn't even really matter. And wondering if three cookies would fill the emotional need. That two cookies had not. I said to my husband. Everyone I know is hitting a wall right now. And I can't tell if that makes me feel better or worse.

  I've had so many conversations recently. In my community in one-on-one session with my friends, with my colleagues about how tough this year has been, particularly the last couple of months and how we all expected it to be smoother and how we all were throwing some degree of a temper tantrum about it.

  I myself have really been struggling to do the work that I need to get done. I, for example, procrastinated on a lot of my tasks. I would put them on my list for the day. And then instead I would play Stardew valley and read a lot of books and articles about ADHD and executive dysfunction. And I drink a lot of tea and I showed up for all of my clients, but I still didn't do all of the things that I was supposed to do.

  The coach voice in my brain keeps trying to step in and suggest other activities to try because you know, this is something that I specialize in. That coach voice would say, what if you actually went and cleaned your real life, vegetable garden and got it ready for the winter. Instead of farming a digital garden full of a made up fruit called key berries.

  Or what, if you worked on some of your knitting while you listened to one of these books on audio, rather than scrolling the web and thusly looking for news or something else to get you that little bit of a dopamine hit. Or what if you took a really delicious bath with candles and Epsom salts and a good meditation session.

  Instead of watching all of planet earth for the 17th time. And feeling really upset about what's happening to the polar bears. And unfortunately this loud clear part of myself kept coming back and saying, no, I don't want to, I don't feel like it stop suggesting these things. I am an Olean into playing more sturdy valley. Just to spite you.

  So. I have been as one of my favorite Instagram followers, Umi Sacagawea would put it. Crumping it out. Rather than trying to force myself to quote, be productive or rest better, or be more positive at about, at all. I am being grumpy about it. I'm eating cookies and watching my favorite shows. I'm making dates with my friends to go walk in the woods so that we can be grumpy together.

  I'm going to bed early and I'm sleeping in and I'm actually really leaning into some of the coziness that this season of fall, where I'm at anyway brings with it. And while I wish I could say that this has been a really creative time and I am feeling so regenerative and that soon I'll be back with new courses and workbooks and new important, useful things to say about the nature of rest is an academic.

  I just don't know that any of that is true. What I do know is that for everyone, me, you, everyone, we've all been going through a series of interlocking in concurrent traumas. Or for the past couple of years, and in some of the past months, specifically, And there is a grief that's building up and anger and frustration and sadness and fear.

  And worry. Maybe all of those are building up for you too. Crumping it out. Won't make substantial change in climate policy. And it won't shift the conversation about international relationships and it certainly isn't going to make the balance of power any more equitable in the U S or any other country.

  It won't end war and it won't fix the job market and it won't undo the fact that there will always be an unequal distribution of pain, violence, and resources. But crumping it out is an acknowledgement that there is a limit to the amount of work that we can do. Consoling and controlling ourselves to keep going when things are hard.

  Crumping a doubt is a way to deal with the unfairness of it all. The pain of it, all the grief of it all. To feel it. Give it some attention and start to unpack it a little bit. So many of us have been shoving all of these things to the side. To keep our focus on publications and work and family. And sometimes it's going to bubble up.

  There are definitely seasons where you have to shove it aside. When your funding is going to run out or when that article is due or when you need to keep teaching in order to get food on the table. But sometimes all of these things are going to bubble up and there's not as much that you can do about it.

  I personally am feeling the grump, starting to lift just a little bit. I only needed three pumpkin donut holes. Which were stale, but oddly satisfying to make it to my desk today. I can focus a little bit longer this week. I can wake up a little bit easier and then finding maybe 2% more of a spark in at all.

  I'm not all the way back. But some of the way is so much better from where I was. And I have to say that it's grumping it out. That got me there. I hope that this week you can find a little bit of solace and comfort. If you were grumping it out. And move into the next phase of whatever this season wants to bring us.

  And if you're looking for even more support, Please go ahead and check out the link in the show notes to sign up for act Ramo. I'm so excited about all of the things that I'm putting together for next month. There'll be prizes and trackers and workshops and webinars, and a bunch of surprises from all kinds of special guests. So sign up, it's all free in the link in my bio, and I will see you here next week.

  Bye.

  📍 Thank you for listening to Grad School is Hard, but... You can find more information and resources in the show notes and at thrive-phd.com. Every month, I'll select one reviewer for a free 45 minute session with me. So please subscribe, rate, and review to help spread the word about the show. Thanks so much and I'll see you again soon!