time for new rules.

at this point, i’m pretty confident in my own work flow. i’ve been running my own business for years, i’ve succesfully managed my time since i was a child, i have a pretty solid understanding of what makes me tick. and yet, for the last few weeks, i’ve been experiencing some pretty crippling self-doubt.

am i working enough?

am i working too much?

if i work, does that make me an unfeeling monster who isn’t tapped into the world?

if i don’t work, is that a selfish move, given all my privilege and resources to continue my life in much the same way as before?

what is this person that i admire doing? what is this person that i love to dunk on doing? what is the right way to do this? how will i know if i’m doing it right???

and as a consequence, i felt like not only do i not know instinctively how to work in an unprecedented situation, i had no idea how to tell if it’s enough. how would i ever evaluate my progress if i didn’t know how to measure it?

and so i asked some friends, i had a good therapy session, i did some journaling, and i wrote down this set of principles for the foreseeable future. a set of core ideals. a (hu)manifesto for doing what i need to, but also living in the world.

  1. no one knows how to do this yet. everyone is running experiments on what works and what doesn’t, even if they say they have it all figured out.

  2. evaluation is not punishment, but for data driven adjustment. adjustments will make more sense if they’re based on data, and we can only get data if we pay attention to what’s working and what doesn’t.

  3. human stuff comes first. sleep, eating, movement, being present. this might be the hardest part of the day.

  4. the goal is presence, not productivity. aim to be conscious of the choices you’re making with your time, including the choice to rest, and take time away from work.

  5. communicate generously so that the people who need to know where you’re at with a project or a goal know. generously listen when others tell you where they’re at.

  6. pick the three most important things every day. give those your best hours and energy. the rest is bonus.

  7. you are allowed to feel whatever you’re going to feel. be grateful for the good stuff, be compassionate about the hard stuff, be present for all of it, in as far as that is possible. you are NOT allowed to make yourself or others feel bad because they’re not feeling or doing what you are.

  8. eyes on your own paper. you are the most trusted expert on what works for you. just because someone says that you should do or feel something does not mean you have to.

  9. try your best. let your best look different if it needs to. give yourself credit for trying, and for the times when you cannot try. and then, try again.

what if, instead of trying to play by the rules you set for yourself back before you saw any of this coming, you just made new rules? your situation will be different from your colleagues, from your advisor, from your parents, from your best friend. you need your own rules, your own lighthouse of guidelines to follow. they might change. they probably will. but once you have a foundation, you have a place to start. and having somewhere to start can be empowering, and feeling a little bit more in control is medicine we could all use right now.

staying in the middle

things that are helping me right now

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